By Elaine | March 9, 2012
This is the monologue I prepared for my second travel audition. 😛
If you didn’t already noticed I have a gap in between my two front teeth. It’s a little hard to miss…. I was at work last week and this dentist told me that my gap can be easily fixed. It’s just a simple procedure. Oh no no no, I love my teeth. It’s apart of who I am! You see these Spartan teeth? Well, I have these teeth, my dad has these teeth, his sister has these teeth, and my grandfather has these teeth. He said well I know it’s not your first priority, but it can easily be fixed. Dentist, you know how Jennifer Lopez insured her ass? Mmm Yah. Well when I become rich and famous, which by the way will be very soon, I’m insuring my gap. I’m not even joking!
Besides my teeth being apart of who I am, I’ve heard many meanings of my gap. The first time was when I was at a hotel working in Greece, a guest told me. You are very lucky to have a gap in your teeth. One day you are going to be very successful and have lots of money. Ten Years later & I’m still waiting dot dot dot……..
Once I was on Danforth eating at The Friendly Greek, a waiter asked me you know, sehreis what your teeth mean? No, tell me! Pes mou! It means you’re gonna marry a man from far away. Really? I don’t even know if I am going to get married. I was honestly traumatized to have kids when I was an au-pair in Spain! I’m not getting knocked up to get locked up! Between us, I have I commitment issues with men. A few dates with a man and I want to just jump on an airplane. You’re a really nice guy. It’s not you. It’s me. You deserve a great girl who wants to live in the country. But I do believe men with accents are hotties, so as my Greek grandma says you never know.
This one guy told me that it means I am going to marry a man with a lot of money. Damn right! What am I stupid, I’m going to marry a man with no money? Ok so really I hope I get married by 40! My man is going to have money, a hot accent, and a BIG yacht! …. WINNING!
When I lived in the Caymans, I walked up to this jerk chicken pit and this big black Jamaican man was like Baby you look nice, baby you look good. He asked if I knew what my teeth meant? Lucky, successful, man from far, man with bling bling? No, it means you are really sweet in bed. Yous a freak. I just stood there. Of course a Jamaican man would tell me that.
I’m thinking success check, man with from afar check , man with money check. A freak in bed? HEYYYYYYY HOLLA! Dentist, don’t be hating on me just because your wife doesn’t have my teeth. Baby’s got Gap!